A practical guide for raising emotionally strong and resilient children
Early childhood is a time of discovery, growth, and intense emotions. One of the most important — and challenging — skills young children develop during these years is frustration tolerance: the ability to cope with disappointment, wait patiently, try again after failing, and manage strong emotions.
Although frustration can be uncomfortable for both children and parents, learning how to handle it is essential for healthy emotional development and long-term success in school and life.
This guide will help you understand why frustration is important, what is normal at this age, and how you can support your child at home.
Why frustration is an important part of growing up
Frustration is a natural part of learning. Every time a child tries to build a tower that falls, struggles to put on their shoes, or has to wait their turn, their brain is developing critical skills.
Research in child development shows that moderate, well-supported frustration helps children build emotional regulation, patience and self-control, problem-solving skills, perseverance and resilience, and confidence in their abilities.
According to the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, these experiences strengthen the brain’s executive functions — the mental skills that help children plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage emotions.
When children are allowed to experience manageable challenges, their brains learn:
“I can handle difficult feelings and keep trying.”
What is normal frustration at preschool age?
Between the ages of 2 and 6, children are still learning how to express emotions and regulate their impulses. At this stage, it is completely normal for children to get upset when things don’t go their way, cry or get angry when they lose a game, feel overwhelmed when a task is difficult, have trouble waiting their turn, and react strongly to small disappointments.
Their brains are still developing the prefrontal cortex — the area responsible for self-control and emotional regulation. This means that tantrums, tears, and big emotions are part of the learning process.
Frustration is not a problem.
It is a developmental opportunity.
Why avoiding frustration can actually harm development
It is natural for parents to want to protect their children from discomfort. However, when adults remove every obstacle, solve every problem, or immediately intervene at the first sign of frustration, children miss valuable learning opportunities.
Overprotection can lead to low tolerance for challenges, difficulty coping with failure, low frustration threshold, reduced independence, and lower confidence in their abilities.
Psychologists emphasize that children build emotional strength through experience — not by avoiding difficulty, but by learning how to manage it.
What to do: practical strategies for parents
Allow your child to struggle a little. When your child is trying to complete a task, resist the urge to do it for them immediately. Instead of saying “Let me do it for you,” try “You’re working hard. Keep trying.” Struggling is how children learn.
Validate their emotions. Help your child put words to what they are feeling. You can say “I see you’re feeling frustrated because it didn’t work” or “It’s hard when things don’t go the way we want.” Feeling understood helps children calm down faster.
Teach calming tools. When emotions are big, children need strategies to regulate their bodies. Practice deep breathing, counting slowly, taking a short break, or hugging a favorite stuffed animal. These tools help children regain control.
Encourage effort, not perfection. Focus on persistence instead of results. Instead of “You’re so smart,” say “You didn’t give up. That’s amazing.” This builds a growth mindset and confidence.
Model healthy frustration. Children learn by watching adults. When you feel frustrated, show them how to cope: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath and try again.”
Create opportunities for small challenges. Board games, puzzles, building activities, and waiting turns are excellent ways to practice frustration tolerance in daily life.
When should parents be concerned?
Some frustration is normal. However, consider seeking professional guidance if your child has extreme emotional reactions very frequently, is unable to calm down even with support, shows persistent aggression, avoids all challenges, or becomes easily overwhelmed by small difficulties.
Early support can make a big difference.
How schools support frustration tolerance
In high-quality early childhood education, children are guided to solve problems independently, wait their turn, manage emotions with support, try again after making mistakes, and build confidence through achievable challenges.
This creates a safe environment where children learn that mistakes are part of learning.
Final thoughts for parents
Frustration is not something to fear.
It is something to guide.
By allowing your child to experience challenges in a safe and supportive environment, you are helping them build emotional strength that will serve them for life — in school, relationships, and future challenges.
Resilient children are not born.
They are raised with patience, trust, and confidence.
Scientific References
Harvard Center on the Developing Child – Executive Function & Self-Regulation
American Psychological Association (APA) – Emotional Development in Early Childhood
Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL)
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2014). Executive Function Skills
